1:21:01
because I had awful stomachaches
1:21:02
and holding my penis
made it feel better.
1:21:04
Because I thought
like I was going to die,
1:21:06
because it makes me feel invincible,
1:21:07
because it makes me feel triumphant,
1:21:09
because I'm a Catholic,
1:21:10
because I still love Lent
and still love my penis
1:21:13
and in spite of it all, I have no guilt.
1:21:15
Because my parents said
"Be what you wanna be",
1:21:17
and this is what I wanna be.
1:21:19
Because I ' m nothing but a big baby,
and I wanna stay that way
1:21:21
and I want a mommy forever,
even a mean one,
1:21:23
'specially a mean one.
1:21:24
Because of all the fairy tale witches,
1:21:26
and the wicked stepmother
and the stepsisters,
1:21:28
and how sexy Cinderella was,
1:21:30
smudged with soot,
doomed to a life of servitude.
1:21:32
Because of Hansel,
locked in the witch's cage
1:21:35
until he was fat enough to eat.
1:21:37
Because of "O",
and how desperately I wanted to be her.
1:21:40
Because of my dreams,
because of the games we played,
1:21:42
because I've got an active imagination,
1:21:44
because my mother bought me Tinker Toys,
1:21:46
because hardware stores
give me hard-ons,
1:21:48
because of hammers,
nails, clothespins, wood,
1:21:51
padlocks, pullies, eyeballs,
thumbtacks, staple guns,
1:21:54
sewing needles,
wooden spoons, fishing tackle,
1:21:56
chains, metal rulers, rubber tubings,
1:21:59
spatulas, rope, twine,
"C" clamps, "S" hooks,
1:22:02
razor blades,
scissors, tweezers, knives,
1:22:04
push pins, 2 x 4s,
ping-pong paddles,
1:22:06
alligator clips,
duct tape, broomsticks,
1:22:09
barbecue skewers, bungee cords,
sawhorses, soldering irons.
1:22:12
Because of tool sheds,
because of garages,
1:22:14
because of basements,
because of dungeons,
1:22:16
because of "The Pit and the Pendulum,"
1:22:18
because of the Tower of London,
1:22:19
because of the lnquisition,
1:22:20
because of the rap,
because of the cross,
1:22:22
because of Adam's Family playroom,
1:22:24
because of Morticia Adams
and her black dress
1:22:26
with its octopus legs.
1:22:27
Because of motherhood,
because of Amazon,
1:22:30
because of the goddess,
because of the moon,
1:22:31
because it's in my nature,
because it's against nature.
1:22:34
Because it's nasty,
because it's fun,
1:22:36
because it flies in the face
of all that's normal--
1:22:38
whatever that is--
because I'm not normal.
1:22:41
Because I used to think
I was part of this vast experiment
1:22:43
and there was this implant in my penis
that made me do these things
1:22:46
and allowed them, wherever they were,
to monitor my activities.
1:22:49
Because I had to take my clothes off
and lie inside
1:22:52
this giant plastic bag
so the doctors could collect my sweat.
1:22:55
Because once upon a time
I had such a high fever,
1:22:57
my parents had to strip me naked
and wrap me in wet sheets
1:22:59
to stop the convulsions.