:04:01
What you're getting so bad
out of shape for, man?
:04:04
- I mean, it's just a girl.
- I should've expected you to say that.
:04:10
- What do you mean?
- I mean you're the kind of guy...
:04:12
who likes those silhouettes of naked
women on the mud flaps of trucks.
:04:16
You play video games watching a porn
movie on the picture and picture.
:04:19
- You revel in the size of your dumps.
- Hey, Matt!
:04:23
You gotta check this out!
:04:25
Yeah, I do all those things.
:04:27
This isn't just another girl, Rod.
I connected with her.
:04:31
The last intimate encounter I had
with a woman was when I was five.
:04:36
Id pulled down my pants, and
Vickie poured sand on my winky.
:04:39
This is better than playing
with you shovel, man.
:04:43
Ever since then, I've had this
burning need for a woman.
:04:46
When I was 10 years old,
I liked getting a boner so much...
:04:48
I started taping my pecker so that
it would stay up all the time.
:04:52
I did the same thing,
but I used duct tape, man.
:04:55
Shut up, I'm trying
to make a point here.
:04:57
I've never had this kind of
success with a woman before.
:05:00
When I was 16, I tried talking to girls.
I had to write myself cheat notes...
:05:03
on my hands so I had a list of topics
I could talk to the girls about.
:05:06
- What's that on your hand?
- Nothing.
:05:09
My romantic IQ must've mashed me,
because I showed the girl my list.
:05:13
It's all sorts of things
I can talk to you about.
:05:18
I thought I was the
biggest loser of all time.
:05:20
It wasn't as bad as senior prom,
when I spent US$ 150 on Emily...
:05:23
and didn't even get
a kiss of good night.
:05:26
So you can imagine how impassioned
I feel now I've actually met this girl.
:05:29
You're pathetic, man!
I mean, you lose your virginity...
:05:32
and you don't even get
the girl's name!
:05:36
- What the hell is that?
- It's penile power, man.
:05:39
I got it out of an ad
in a magazine, you know?
:05:42
It's gonna help me increase length
and girth by hanging weights, man!
:05:47
- Check it out, I'm up to 5 pounds.
- It's the stroker, not the poker.
:05:52
Man, I'm doing this for me.
Like I always say...
:05:55
"The angle of the dangle
equals the cubic of the pubic".
:05:58
- What's that have to do with anything?
- I don't know. I just like to say it.