:05:00
When I was 16, I tried talking to girls.
I had to write myself cheat notes...
:05:03
on my hands so I had a list of topics
I could talk to the girls about.
:05:06
- What's that on your hand?
- Nothing.
:05:09
My romantic IQ must've mashed me,
because I showed the girl my list.
:05:13
It's all sorts of things
I can talk to you about.
:05:18
I thought I was the
biggest loser of all time.
:05:20
It wasn't as bad as senior prom,
when I spent US$ 150 on Emily...
:05:23
and didn't even get
a kiss of good night.
:05:26
So you can imagine how impassioned
I feel now I've actually met this girl.
:05:29
You're pathetic, man!
I mean, you lose your virginity...
:05:32
and you don't even get
the girl's name!
:05:36
- What the hell is that?
- It's penile power, man.
:05:39
I got it out of an ad
in a magazine, you know?
:05:42
It's gonna help me increase length
and girth by hanging weights, man!
:05:47
- Check it out, I'm up to 5 pounds.
- It's the stroker, not the poker.
:05:52
Man, I'm doing this for me.
Like I always say...
:05:55
"The angle of the dangle
equals the cubic of the pubic".
:05:58
- What's that have to do with anything?
- I don't know. I just like to say it.
:06:02
This penile power thing is gonna
help me increase my libido...
:06:07
help me maintain
a full firm erection...
:06:09
and it's gonna help me
control my ejaculation, baby.
:06:13
- So I'm gonna do it all night long!
- When do you start junior high?
:06:17
No, man, look here. I'm serious.
It works. Check this out.
:06:20
This is Kung Chang, right?
Master of penile power.
:06:23
Look. He's lifting 500 pounds
with his penis, man!
:06:27
Great, that's useful! is he gonna
enter himself in a tractor pull?
:06:30
Whatever, man.
:06:32
So what are you gonna
do about this girl?
:06:35
- She left this.
- Hey, man, let me see that!
:06:43
No...
:06:44
...I don't recognize this one.
- Hey, give them back!
:06:51
What are you gonna do? You're
gonna boil them and make soup?
:06:55
You don't want
a girlfriend. Jesus.
:06:59
And then there's the other thing.
You'd spend every Friday night...