1:16:02
I have gift anxiety. Even though I
don't know when your birthday is!
1:16:06
We can spend perfect days
shopping and cooking together.
1:16:10
I'll never make wise cracks...
1:16:12
when you scrape your tires against
the curb or parallel parking.
1:16:16
If you concede to live with me,
I'll clean the toilette every week.
1:16:18
I'll do it with my tongue
if you ask.
1:16:21
I'll strike the words "hooters" and
"love rockets" from my vocabulary.
1:16:25
I'll love you even if you are Mimi
and you want me to say "May-May".
1:16:29
I'll only pass gas underneath the
covers in the direst circumstances.
1:16:35
I'll go on a low-cholesterol diet.
1:16:37
And I won't buy a red sports car
when I have my mid-life crisis.
1:16:40
Your parents can come
visit us every week.
1:16:43
Even if your mom is a
big witch with a capital B.
1:16:46
Your folks don't have to
go to a retirement home.
1:16:48
They can live with us. I declare, I'll
separate the whites from the colors...
1:16:54
I'll learn the mysteries of hot
water and cold water washes.
1:16:57
I'll never huff and puff waiting
for you to put on your make-up.
1:17:00
If you're a cat person, I'll never
say that a dog can save your life.
1:17:06
I'll happily go see flicks with you,
like "Pride and Prejudice".
1:17:10
I'll make a point to try new foods,
like okra gumbo.
1:17:14
I won't turn my nose at vegetables
whose awful taste...
1:17:17
is disguised by having
cheese put on it.
1:17:19
I pledge to always say "yes" when
you ask, "is my hair looking okay?"
1:17:24
I'm gonna bring a whole new
meaning to the word "cuddle".
1:17:27
I'll be thoughtful enough to
read you horoscope everyday.
1:17:30
I'm gonna save every
birthday card you send me.
1:17:33
And I'll actually write you
real letters when we're apart.
1:17:35
I'm never gonna expect you to
know where I left my car keys...
1:17:38
and I'll never leave
my socks on the floor.
1:17:41
With me, you'll find the cap's
always on the toothpaste.
1:17:45
I'll start wearing those male
bikini underwear if you like.
1:17:49
My belly-button will
always be free.
1:17:53
I wanna kiss your clitoris.
1:17:56
It will be the most passionate,
intimate experience you ever had.