BRIDGET: It all began
on New Year's Day...
in my thirty-second year
of being single.
Once again,
I found myself on my own...
and going to my mother's
annual turkey curry buffet.
Every year,
she tries to fix me up...
with some bushy-haired,
middle-aged bore...
and I feared this year
would be no exception.
There you are, dumpling.
BRIDGET: My mum--
a strange creature
from the time...
when pickles on toothpicks...
were still the height
of sophistication.
Doilies, Pam?
Hello, Bridget.
Third drawer from the top, Una.
Under the mini gherkins.
By the way, the Darcys are here.
They brought Mark with them.
BRIDGET: Ah, here we go.
You remember Mark.
You used to play
in his paddling pool.
He's a barrister.
Very well off.
No, I don't remember.
He's divorced, apparently.
His wife was Japanese.
Very cruel race.
Now, what are you
going to put on?
This.
MUM: Oh, don’t be silly,
Bridget.
You'll never get a boyfriend...
if you look like you've
wandered out of Auschwitz.
Now, run upstairs.

I've laid out something
lovely on your bed.
Tsk. [Sighs]
ANDY WILLIAMS SINGING:
You're just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of you
BRIDGET: Great.
I was wearing a carpet.
UNCLEGEOFFREY: There she is.
[Singing]
My little Bridget
Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha.
-Hmm. Had a drink?
-No.
No? Come on, then.
BRIDGET:
Actually, not my uncle.
Someone who insists
I call him uncle...
while he gropes my ass...
and asks me the question
dreaded by all Singletons.
UNCLEGEOFFREY:
So...how's your love life?
Super. Thanks, Uncle G.
Still no fellow, then, eh?
I don't know.
You career girls.
Can't put it off forever.
UNA: Tick-tock, tick-tock.
-Hello, Dad.
-Hello, darling.
How's it going?
Torture.
DAD: Your mother’s trying to
fix you up with some divorcee.
Uhh.
Human-rights barrister.
Pretty nasty beast, apparently.
BRIDGET: Hoo. Ding-dong.