A New Kind of Love

Shows you what hard work
and the will to succeed can achieve.

By the eighth inning l'd found
a much more comfortable place

to watch the game.
The pitch is outside, making
the count 3-2 on the batter.

This crowd is going out of its mind.
Here's the pitch. And it's a base hit
right over second base.

l have an idea the excitement
is just beginning, so don't go away.

And now, a word
about something of interest

to all you men in our audience.
Fellas, if you're like l am, when
you want a lather, you want it fast.

Well, you're looking at something
that'll wilt your beard

faster than anything known
to science; lnsta-Shave.

Look for it.
There's no mistaking this package.

And now, back to the field.
Here's the windup.
The pitch. Strike one,
right on the inside corner.

Here comes the next pitch.
And there she goes.
Going, going... lt's a home run,

over the right-field fence.
Boy, oh, boy!
lf you left this game early,
you've certainly missed a lot of action.

You're fired.
Sacked. Or as we used to put it
in the newspaper business, canned.

Pick up your severance pay
and get out.

Have l made myself painfully clear?
You know, Mr. Chalmers,
my contract with lnternational Press
was drawn by the outstanding,

foremost, the most respected
sneaky lawyer in the business.

l, along with the United
Automobile Workers

and the Brotherhood of Teamsters--
Thank you.

And the lnternational Alliance
of Theatrical Stage Employees,

am non-cancelable.
Modern living.
lt's ruining everything.