How I Won the War
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:09:04
- You married?
- No, I play the harmonica.

:09:06
I'm coming after you civil reservists
to see if you can remember about rifles

:09:11
and thumbs down the seams
of your slacks,

:09:13
into your pink civvy thoughts
with my big black boots,

:09:17
bearing a big, black, knobbly stick.
:09:20
So take a hold of yourselves. Stand still.
:09:23
- Face your front.
- I am.

:09:24
Squad, 'shun!
:09:27
- Down them rifles.
- Rifles!

:09:30
- Splinter.
- Slope arms.

:09:32
Two, three, across...
:09:35
- Hands...
- Down!

:09:37
Throw them rifles.
:09:38
- Will advance.
- Front, Clapper.

:09:40
- Splinter.
- By the right, quick march.

:09:44
Left, right, left, right, left...
:09:48
Coming dressed in overalls...
:09:50
- Retire. About.
- Coming with umbrellas...

:09:53
- Coming bringing gifts...
- Turn!

:09:57
Stand still. Those two men, about.
:10:03
Don't speak to me like that.
I'm a married man.

:10:06
About turn.
:10:09
By the right, quick march.
:10:19
What's this? Halt.
:10:20
Stand still. Never, ever
have I seen such a sight.

:10:24
- Am I hurting you?
- No.

:10:27
I should be. I'm standing on your hair.
:10:29
- Who said that?
- Is this North Africa?

:10:32
- Catterick.
- Marching like idiots.

:10:34
- Never...
- In all my life!

:10:36
It really is only a question of getting
the right leg to respond to my brain.

:10:40
Move to the right in threes.
:10:43
- Wait for it.
- Where are you going? Still.

:10:46
- It's no good to me.
- My finger. There's a splinter.

:10:49
- Right in threes. Right turn.
- Would you go sick?

:10:53
- I want to fight.
- That's the spirit.

:10:56
- Who's the one in the flat hat?
- Baden-Powell.


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