1:06:01
It's not so hard on them I'm the way I am.
1:06:04
But I can't really communicate to them...
1:06:05
...about anything that's really important
because they just could not understand it.
1:06:09
My mother is really, she really...
1:06:12
...lives in a lot of pain...
1:06:13
...because she's sure I'm going to
go to hell and there's nothing I can do...
1:06:16
...to tell her that there is,
that it just does not exist for me.
1:06:21
So l, there's no communication
on, on those levels.
1:06:24
My father was asking whether I was in a
communist training camp or something...
1:06:28
...in, in the house that I lived in.
1:06:31
I could understand, you know, where
he came from. Because when he...
1:06:34
...well, he's an immigrant, you know.
1:06:36
And so he came over here
to better himself...
1:06:37
...economically and so forth,
and all that other rot.
1:06:40
And, to make it better for me and he can't
understand why I didn't play, you know...
1:06:44
...saying, "Why aren't
you playing the game?"
1:06:47
"Here's all this opportunity.
Here's, here are all these things...
1:06:49
...which have so much value."
1:06:51
But they only have value to him...
1:06:52
...and he can't understand
why they don't have value to me.
1:06:55
But he does have wisdom enough
to know, to allow me to be who I am.
1:07:01
I guess he had some kind of
idea in his head that...
1:07:04
...I will, by doing what I'm doing,
learn for myself how to live.
1:07:08
And that's what he wants me to do,
anyway.
1:07:10
So he, he can't understand
why I am the way I am...
1:07:12
...but he, he very much wants
me to be that way.
1:07:15
Because he knows that's
the only thing for me.
1:07:17
He started his trip when
he was four years old.
1:07:20
Really?
1:07:20
Nothing to do with drugs or anything?
1:07:23
Me, neither.
1:07:25
Do you think that's a cop-out or...?
1:07:27
l, I don't know. L, I used
to be into drugs and...
1:07:33
...I was very heavy on drugs, but...
1:07:35
...now it seems like
it's almost contrived.
1:07:37
It's like drugs and revolution
and the united front and all.
1:07:43
You know, I'm a human being and that's
all I want to be. And I don't...
1:07:47
...I don't want to have a mass change...
1:07:49
...because a mass change only brings
around mass insanity.
1:07:53
I just want to be myself and find
out, find a place where I can...
1:07:59
...maintain some kind of
balance within myself, you know.