:39:00
Others...
:39:01
and ourselves.
:39:03
One cannot contravene them...
:39:05
without society despising us.
:39:07
We wouId come to despise ourseIves, too...
:39:10
and uItimateIy bIow our brains out.
:39:15
Forgive my holding forth like this
and merely saying...
:39:18
what everyone has said
to himself a hundred times.
:39:22
But then...
:39:24
who can really say anything new?
:39:27
I repeat...
:39:29
it's not a matter of hatred
or personaI happiness.
:39:33
That tyrannicaI sociaI eIement...
:39:37
is not concerned with charm or Iove...
:39:40
or the Iapse of time.
:39:42
I have no choice.
:39:44
I simpIy have to.
:39:47
I'm not so sure, Innstetten.
:39:49
You must decide, WuIIersdorf.
:39:52
It's ten o'cIock now.
:39:55
Six hours ago, I admit...
:39:58
I stiII had a free hand.
:40:01
There was stiII a way out.
:40:04
But not any Ionger. I'm in a bIind aIIey.
:40:07
I've onIy myseIf to bIame, you might say.
:40:09
l should have been more on my guard,
kept everything to myself...
:40:13
fought it out in my own heart.
:40:15
But it all came too suddenly
for me to give myself the blame...
:40:20
for not having kept my nerves under control.
:40:23
l went to your place and wrote you a note...
:40:26
and in doing so relinquished control.
:40:29
From that moment...
:40:31
someone else was half-aware
of my misfortune...
:40:34
and, more importantly,
of the stain on my honour...
:40:38
and with this discussion,
that person is now fully aware.
:40:42
And since there is such a person...
:40:45
there's no going back.
:40:49
I wouIdn't say that.
:40:52
I don't Iike using trite phrases...
:40:56
but I know no better way of putting it.
:40:59
l'll be as silent as the grave.