Ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce.

Did you know that Eleanor Roosevelt
gave Lou Gehrig the clap?

''What'd he say? Jesus, does he
have to get that low for laughs?''

''What's the point?
That's really bad taste.''

The point... the point is
the suppression of words. Now, dig.

Here it is, 1 964, and yet every doctor
l know tells me that a certain disease

is on its way to becoming an epidemic
again, when everybody knows

that one shot in the ass'd knock it out.
And yet there it is, VD,
right up there with the top ten.

Why? Because nobody talks about it.
Nobody even wants to say the word.

lf the community chest
hits on you, do you say

''Excuse me, how much of my dollar
is going for the clap?''

(chuckles) l don't think you do.
What we have to do is talk about it.

What we really need is to get
some of our national heroes

to admit they've had it.
Eleanor Roosevelt
gave Lou Gehrig the clap.

She also gave it to
Chiang Kai-shek... (chuckles)

And he gave it to J Edgar Hoover,
man... which is how it really spread.

A boy gets the clap. Can he go to his
father? He can't relate to his father.

He's lucky if he can go to a schmuck
who sweeps up the drugstore.

- ''l gotta talk to you. ''
- ''What's the matter?''

- ''l got the clap. ''
- ''Oh, Jesus, where'd you get that?''

''Painting a car!
What's the difference? l got it. ''

''What do you want?''
''You work in a drugstore.
Give me some pills. ''

- ''Oh, all right. Here. ''
- ''Dexedrine Spansules. ls this good?''

''lt's all the same horseshit. Keeps
you awake so you know you got it. ''

''The reason l want these pills is l got
a good job. l don't wanna get laid off. ''

- ''Yeah? Where you working?''
- ''The meat-packing plant. ''

l'll tell you what we really need.
Maybe one day Jerry Lewis
would go on television,

and instead of getting hung up
with muscular dystrophy,

he'd have a clapathon!
Forget it. lt'll never happen.
You know why?