:58:00
My life seemed meaningless.
:58:03
I had a guilty conscience about
always being away from you and Papa.
:58:09
You smile sarcastically.
I'm trying to speak truthfully.
:58:14
I'm merely
telling you how I felt.
:58:18
We may as well have this out for
once then we won't refer to it again.
:58:24
Go on.
:58:31
I was in Hamburg,
playing Beethoven's First.
:58:35
It's not too difficult,
and everything had gone well.
:58:39
After the concert I went out to
supper with Schmiess, the conductor.
:58:43
We always did. When we'd been
eating and drinking for a while
:58:48
and I was content
and relaxed
:58:52
and my back wasn't aching,
Schmiess said,
:58:59
"Why don't you stay
at home with your husband
:59:02
"and child and lead
a respectable life,
:59:06
"instead of laying yourself
open to constant humiliation?"
:59:13
I stared at him
and laughed and said,
:59:18
" Did I play so badly?"
" No," he said
:59:22
"but I can't help
thinking of August 18, 1934.
:59:31
"We played Beethoven's First
together in Linz.
:59:36
"You were twenty years old,
the hall was packed,
:59:40
"we played like gods,
the orchestra was inspired.
:59:44
"Afterwards, the audience
stood up and cheered
:59:48
"and the orchestra
gave a fanfare."
:59:55
Then he said "You had a
simple red summer dress
:59:59
"and long hair to your waist."