:04:06
For weeks, I had been scheming
to get my mitts on one of these...
:04:10
fearsome blue-steel beauties.
:04:13
My fevered brain seethed
with the effort of trying to come up with...
:04:17
the infinitely subtle devices
necessary to implant...
:04:21
the Red Ryder range model
air rifle indelibly...
:04:25
into my parents' subconscious.
:04:27
Ralphie!
:04:29
Randy!
:04:30
Down here in two minutes!
:04:32
And I mean two minutes!
:04:34
Come on, Ralphie. I got here first!
:04:43
Cut it out.
:05:10
My mother, grabbing for her copy
of Look magazine...
:05:14
would find herself cleverly trapped
into reading a Red Ryder sales pitch.
:05:21
They traded Bullfrog. I don't believe it.
:05:24
What's that?
:05:26
Well, for Christ's sake,
the Sox traded Bullfrog...
:05:28
the only player they've got,
for Shottenhoffer.
:05:31
''Four Eyes'' Shottenhoffer,
a utility infielder.
:05:33
Got a whole goddamned team
of utility infielders.
:05:37
That's nice.
:05:38
Ralphie, on the double!
:05:42
Did you hear about this guy
who swallowed a yo-yo?
:05:44
- Swallowed a yo-yo?
- On a bet.
:05:47
Some clodhopper down in Griffith, Indiana.
:05:51
They write the silliest things
in the newspapers.
:05:54
What do you mean, silly?
I mean that's real news.
:05:56
That's not like that politics slop.