- No, I need a job.
- We value education.

- We require a degree.
- You should go to college.

- The bar's closed, pal.
- I know. I'm looking for the manager.

What's the matter?
Find a hair in your quiche?

No. I'm looking for a job.
I see. You want to put a hair
in somebody else's quiche.

- Just get canned?
- I'm looking...

Looking for
something better.

Coughlin's Law:
Anything else
is always something better. "

Coughlin's Law?
Douglas Coughlin,
logical negativist.

Flourished in the last part
of the 20th century.

Propounded a set of laws that
the world generally ignored...

to its detriment.
- Ever work behind the bar?
- My uncle's in the business.

You know how to make a Red Eye,"
mister... What's your name?

Brian Flanagan.
No, I'm...

sorry I haven't had
the pleasure as yet.

What about a vodka martini
with a Pernod float?

I'm a fast learner.
Ever throw a 400-pound
psychopath out of a bar?

I guess I could if I had to.
What about a 100-pound ballerina
that's been speeding for three days?

just open the door and let her
pirouette out in the street?

Well, these are just some of the tasks
you'll be asked to perform, young Flanagan.

This is the Upper East Side, the saloon
capital of the world. The big time.

Are you ready for the big time,
young Mr. Flanagan?