Ain't got no gal
to make you smile

But don't worry
Be happy
Want to see a grown man
cry like a baby?

Hey, Bartender.
You know how to make
a Red Eye?

Don't worry
Be happy
What, no tearful greeting?
Coughlin's Law:
Never show surprise.
Never lose your cool.

Oh, my son,
my rebellious son.

Tell your old buddy
how great he looks.

You look like a guy who dyes his hair
and shaves with a Brillo pad.

A guy who gets an erection
on his birthday, if the wind is right.

Isn't this great? Two years we haven't seen
each other, and we just flow into the old act.

Please, stop molesting
the customers.

A daiquiri, if you will,

- I taught this young man everything he knows.
- I doubt that.

Don't you waste your loyalty on him.
He'll dump you after Valentine's Day.

Isn't that clever?
What the hell are you
doing down here?

This lad is the best bartender south
of 14th Street. It's his downfall.

- I don't see how being good at something can be your downfall.
- Thank you.

I grant you, it's not an easy
concept to grasp.

Now, you take our hero here.
I haven't seen him for a while, and
I've never been in this joint before...

but I will bet my bile duct he's got some
kind of success manual behind the bar.

Come on, Flanagan,
I know it's here.

- Touché.
- Voila.

You see, Flanagan's a believer.
Always will be.

- He doesn't realize that the doors are shut to people like us.
- Well, maybe he wants to open them.

Then he has to steal the key,

Something Coughlin here
has been unable to do.