Problem Child

That must be your new grandpa. You stay
here. We'll give old gramps a big surprise.

Dad, are we glad to see you.
What's this big surprise
you dragged me over here for?

Well, Dad, here's a hint.
Oh, my God.
You've both cooked up a cute little kid
for my campaign!

I thought you were getting fatter, Mama!
When's my little grandson due?

- Fatter?
- No, Dad. Florence is not gonna have a baby.

You rascal, you!
You followed my advice and took your sperm
to somebody who knows what to do with it,

a surrogate mother.
Tell me something. Do you make out with
a cup or do you get to bump a real live one?

No, Dad, we adopted.
Are you insane?
I thought you'd be happy. Come on.
You don't know
what you're letting yourself in for.

Dopehead mothers. Garbage blood.
His parents may have met in a loony bin.
They might be Democrats.

He's a beautiful kid. Once you meet him,
you'll love him like your very own.

I would like to proudly present the newest
member of the Healy family, Junior!

No! Junior!
That's a thousand-dollar coat!
- Junior, are you in here?
- Junior!

Oh, my God. It's the devil.
- Buddy, are you OK?
- Yeah, just a little smoky.

Look, here's the problem.
This clown must have shorted out.

Sparks were coming out of his nose.
I was so scared.

- Little punk is lying.
- Dad!

I hope you kept the damn receipt.
You got one bad seed there.