What About Bob?

hot sweats,
fever blisters,
difficulty breathing,
difficulty swallowing,

blurred vision, involuntary trembling,
dead hands, numb lips,
fingernail sensitivity,
pelvis discomfort.
So the real question is,
what is the crisis, Bob?

What is that you're truly afraid of?
What if my heart stops beating?
What if... I'm looking for
a bathroom, I can't find it...

and... my bladder explodes...
Do you ever heard of turrets syndrome?
Involuntary shouting profanity?
It's exceptionably rare...
Shit eating son of a bitch!
Bastard dooshbag, twat,
numbnuts, dickhead, bitch!

Why, exactly, are you doing this?
If I fake it, then I don't have it!
You know it's the same
with the cardiac arrest.

Are you married?
I'm divorced.
Would you like to talk about that?
There are two types of
people in this world.

Those who like Neil Diamond...
and those who don't.
My ex-wife loves him.
I see.
So, what you're saying is that
even though you are an almost paralyzed,
multi-phobic personality that
is in a constant state of panic,

your wife did not leave you,
you left her because

she liked Neil Diamond.
Now, you're saying that maybe,
maybe I didn't leave her
because she likes Neil Diamond,

but maybe, she left me?