Quiz Show

''Now see summer bloom upon this lea.
Three score rings around this tree.

Once green;
now bare.

Once lush;
now sere.

Consoled only that l am...
- planted here.
- You certainly are.

- Roots thick...
- And old.

- and deep,
- And doddering.

- assuage my woes--''
- A termite nibbles at my toes.

- Et tu, Bunny ?
- Charlie, is Jack Berry single ?

- l think so.
- My roommate has a crush on him.
She wants you to introduce her.

- What's Dave Garroway like ?
- Cheap.
- Cheap ?

- Wasn't l talking ?
- You were, yes. Talking
and talking and talking.

Charlie's famous,
like Elvis Presley.

Like Leopold of Belgium,
usurped by his son before his time.

l suppose that makes me
King Baudouin ?

Next birthday, you all get
a dirty limerick.

- l certainly hope so.
- [ Laughing ]

[ Woman ] So how's it feel, Charlie ?
[ Charlie ] Well, l can't even
eat dinner in a restaurant anymore.

People follow me inside to discover
what kind of ''brain food'' l eat.

ln my day, it was flagpole-sitting
and swallowing goldfish.

Last week alone,
l had 11 proposals of marriage.

Perhaps you should
accept one of them.

To think they unleash you
on those impressionable young minds.

Why not ? He's 33 years old. Jesus
Christ had a girlfriend at 33 years old.

- Look how that turned out.
- And he shared an office
with his father.

l'm sure they're
all very nice girls.

ln that case, perhaps l should
appear on a quiz show.

The money, meanwhile,
no one knows what to do with it.

Though every stockbroker
in New York seems eager to try.

Why don't you just put it in
the bank ? That's what l've
always done with my prize money.

No, it's just-- You don't
understand, Dad. There are
all sorts of tax implications.

l think l can understand
the concept of taxes.

- At this level,
it's a bit more complicated.
- And at my level ?

l never thought of myself
having a level, Charlie.
What level might that be ?

l mean, it's not as if the money fell
into my lap. l worked for it.

- Work ? Oh-ho-ho-ho.
- Millions of people watch
the game shows, Dad.

Then l suppose we've become
a nation of proctors.