:17:02
To produce.
:17:03
You want me to produce your war?
:17:06
Not a war.
lt's a pageant.
:17:08
We need a theme,
a song, some visuals.
:17:10
lt's a pageant.
:17:12
lt's like the Oscars.
That's why we came to you.
:17:14
l never won an Oscar.
:17:16
That's a shame,
but you produced the Oscars.
:17:18
lndeed, l did.
:17:20
You're a writer,
that's your script.
:17:22
You're a director,
but if you're the producer...
:17:24
nobody knows what you do.
:17:27
The producer,
all he's got is the credit.
:17:29
You see?
And some plaques on the wall.
:17:31
They don't know what we do.
Don't get me started.
:17:35
lf you never won an Oscar...
:17:37
how would you like
an ambassadorship?
:17:39
An ambassadorship?
That's my payoff?
:17:42
Tell me what you want.
:17:43
l'd just do it
for a story to tell.
:17:46
You couldn't tell anybody.
:17:48
l'm just kidding.
:17:50
-You couldn't tell anybody.
-Just a figure of speech.
:17:53
lt's a pageant.
:17:55
That's what it is.
:17:56
The country's at war.
:17:58
lt's Miss America.
You're Bert Parks.
:17:59
-Why Albania?
-Because.
:18:01
What do we have
that they want?
:18:03
-Freedom.
-Why would they want that?
:18:05
-Oppressed?
-Fuck freedom.
:18:09
They want to destroy
the godless Satan.
:18:12
They want to destroy
our way of life.
:18:14
All right?
:18:16
The president is in China.
:18:19
He is dealing with the dispatch
of the B-3 bomber to Albania.
:18:23
Why?
:18:27
Why? Help me.
:18:31
Geo-politically...
:18:34
We found out they have the bomb.
:18:41
-That's good.
-And...wait a second.
:18:47
The bomb's not there...
:18:49
because they'd have to have
a rocket and that shit.
:18:52
They are a bunch of wogs.
Cross that out.
:18:55
lt's a suitcase bomb.
:18:57
l didn't know l said that.
:18:59
lt's a suitcase bomb.
You don't need missiles.