American Beauty

I was hoping you could
give me a bath.

I'm very, very dirty.
What are you doing?
- You were masturbating.
- [ Whispers ] I was not.

Yes, you were.
Oh, all right.
So shoot me. I was whacking off.

That's right. I was choking
the bishop, chafing the carrot.

You know, saying "hi"
to my monster.

That's disgusting.
Well, excuse me, but some of us still
have blood pumping through our veins.

- So do I.
- Really?

Well, I'm the only one who seems
to be doing anything about it.

[ Grunts ]
Lester, I refuse to live like this!

This is not a marriage.
This hasn't been
a marriage for years,

but you were happy as long
as I kept my mouth shut.

Well, guess what.
I've changed.

And the new me whacks off
when he feels horny...

'cause you're obviously not going
to help me out in that department.

I see. You think you're the
only one who's sexually frustrated.

I'm not? Well, then,
come on, baby. I'm ready.

Don't you mess
with me, mister.

I will divorce you so fast,
it'll make your head spin.

On what grounds?
I'm not a drunk.
I don't fuck other women.

I don't mistreat you.
I've never hit you.

I don't even try to touch you,
since you made it so abundantly clear...

just how unnecessary
you consider me to be!

But... I did support you
When you got your licence.

And some people might think that
entitles me to half of what's yours.