Being John Malkovich
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:10:00
My name is Craig Schwartz.
I tried to explain that to her.

:10:03
She's not my secretary.
:10:05
- She's what they call
an executive liaison.
- Ah.

:10:08
And I am not banging her,
if that's what you're implying.

:10:11
No, sir, not at all.
I think I must have simply misspoke.

:10:23
Ah. Well, now,
tell me, Dr. Schwartz...

:10:27
what do you feel
you can bring to Lestercorp?

:10:30
Uh, well, sir,
I'm an excellent filer.

:10:33
Are you? All right.
Let's see about that.

:10:42
Tell me, which of these two letters
comes first? This one or this one?

:10:50
The symbol on the left
is not a letter, sir.

:10:53
Damn, you're good.
[ Chuckles ]

:10:55
- I was trying to trick you.
- I see.

:10:58
Well, then, put these in order.
:11:01
Yes, sir.
:11:07
Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
[Chuckles]

:11:10
[Floris ] Yes, sir.
Genghis Khan Capone. Fine.

:11:13
Damn fine woman-- Floris.
:11:15
I don't know how she puts up with
this speech impediment of mine.

:11:19
You don't have
a speech impediment, Dr. Lester.

:11:23
Flattery will get you
everywhere, my boy.

:11:27
I'm afraid have to trust
Floris on that one.

:11:29
You see,
she's got her doctorate...

:11:32
in speech impedimentology
from Case Western.

:11:35
I apologize if you can't understand
a word I'm saying.

:11:37
No, I understand perfectly.
:11:40
Oh, it's very kind
of you to lie.

:11:42
You see, I've been very lonely...
:11:45
in my isolated tower
of indecipherable speech.

:11:53
- [Slaps Knee]
- You got the job.

:11:57
- Any questions?
- Well, just one.


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