Keeping the Faith

He was always smoking pot.
- Hey, remember our shoplifting club?
- Oh, yeah.

- You had to steal something
to be a member.
- How about you with the basketball?

Remember she stuck
that basketball under her shirt,
and you said you were pregnant?

- I pulled it off.
- Yeah, but you were twelve.

Yeah, but it was New York, it was the
'80s. You could get away with anything.

- We should get home, right?
- Huh?
- Yeah, it's getting kinda late.

- We should take you back.
- Well, I'm still on West Coast time.
It's only 8:00 my time.

Let's go do something.
So this is a rectory.
Sounds like a dirty word-- "rectory."

- Great place to meet chicks.
- Totally.

Oh, I'll bet.
So, what's your chick situation?

Oh, uh, don't ask.
It's, it's, it's not a good story.

- Why?
-'Cause his whole congregation's
trying to set him up...

and it makes him very uncomfortable.
- What's wrong with that?
- There's a reason that pandas
don't mate in captivity.

- What does that mean?
- It means that all these mothers
keep making these dates for me

They're very intimidating.
They're like the Kosher Nostra.

- Oh.
- It's true. They're little women,
but they're very determined.

You get a little melodramatic
about this, don't you think?

Oh, yeah? Check this out.
- I was faxed one of their daughter's
resumes this morning.
- Get out.

- Let me see that. "Ali Decker."
- Yeah. Look at the bottom.

- Oh. She has a skills section.
- Yes?

Oh. You win.
She put jogging as a skill.

See, she doesn't even know the
difference between a hobby and a skill.

- All right, well, maybe
she's a skilled jogger.
- I have to go on a date with this girl.

- Why don't I just say no?
- I don't know. Why don't you?

Because I can't alienate these women.
They-- I need body count at the temple.

Just relax. It'll be fine.
Oh, God, please let this be painless.
- Hi.
- Hi.

Right on time.
I like that in a rabbi.