:20:35
Oh, my God!
:20:52
In today's Gospel...
:20:53
the Lord tells us
how we should live...
:20:56
if we wish to attain
the splendour of Heaven.
:20:59
Or something like that.
:21:02
Jesus this, Moses that.
:21:05
Abraham hit me
with a wiffle ball bat.
:21:14
The Lord said a lot of hibbity
jibbity bibbity swibbity.
:21:20
But...
:21:22
has he ever really done
anything for any of us?
:21:26
Has he ever put a Jaguar XJR
in my driveway?
:21:30
No.
:21:32
I love that car.
:21:34
Has the Lord given
any of my enemies the herpes?
:21:38
No.
:21:39
The Lord gave my son
the strength to get off drugs.
:21:45
Ma'am, I know your son...
:21:47
and, believe me,
he was better off on the drugs.
:21:50
At least
when he was smoking hashish...
:21:53
he used to make me laugh
occasionally.
:21:57
After we tried for many years...
:21:59
the Lord finally helped
my wife conceive a baby.