The Next Best Thing
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1:03:00
- Well, congratulations.
- Ever.

1:03:02
- Double congratulations.
- And you know what?

1:03:05
- What?
- You're such a jerk.

1:03:08
- What are you talking about?
- You were so rude to Ben.

1:03:10
- I was not rude to Ben.
- Yes, you were.

1:03:12
- I was my usual charming self.
- You practically slammed
the door in his face.

1:03:13
- I did not.
- Wait a second. You did
slam the door in his face.

1:03:16
Abbie, that was a joke.
Oh, God. I saw it in a play.

1:03:19
- Brought the house down. Sorry. Ha.
- Ha ha.

1:03:25
Are we a little tipsy?
1:03:26
Ben ordered the most
delicious wine in the universe.

1:03:29
- "Most delicious wine--"
- You'rejealous.

1:03:32
- Oh, right.
- Why didn't I see it before?

1:03:34
- You'rejealous
that I went out on a date.
- How could I possibly bejealous?

1:03:37
I'm the one that encouraged you
to go out more in the fiirst place.

1:03:42
- What's so hilarious?
- Oh, nothing.

1:03:44
It wasjust something Ben said
at dinner. Sorry. You had to be there.

1:03:49
He's very perceptive, you know.
1:03:51
- Perceptive about me, I expect.
- Me, me, me, me, me.

1:03:54
Funnily enough, you were
hardly mentioned all evening...

1:03:57
other than discussing the fact that I
was turkey-basted by my gay best friend.

1:04:00
- You were not turkey-basted.
- Oh. Right.

1:04:05
- Did Sammy get to bed okay?
- Look, what's all
this "Sammy" business?

1:04:07
His name is Sam, all right.
He's not Sammy.

1:04:09
He's not Sammy Davis,Jr.
He's not The Rat Pack. He'sjust Sam.

1:04:14
Hmm. Well, I don't know what's wrong
with you, but I'm going to bed.

1:04:19
He wassingin '
Bye, bye, MissAmerican Pie

1:04:23
Drove my Chevyto the levee
but the levee wasdry

1:04:27
Themgoodol'boys
were drinkin' whiskyandrye

1:04:30
- Hey, Sammy, you wanna go in the water?
- Yeah!
- Singin'this'llbe the daythat ldie

1:04:34
- This'llbe the daythat ldie
- Hey, Dad, can I go in the water now?

1:04:38
- Sure.
- Can I take him in?

1:04:40
- Okay.
- Helterskelterin a summerswelter

1:04:42
- I'm gonna throw you in! Throw him in!
- The birds flewoff
to the falloutshelter

1:04:45
- No!
- Swim in tons offiishes!
- The daythe music died

1:04:50
- Here we go. Here we go!
- He wassingin '

1:04:53
- Bye, bye, MissAmerican Pie
- Oh, my God.

1:04:55
"Oh, my God" is right.
1:04:57
Drove my Chevyto the levee
but the levee wasdry

1:04:59
Themgoodol'boys
were drinkin' whiskyandrye


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