:45:02
What war did you lose
your legs in?
:45:05
I ain't old enough to be in no war,
except the Gulf.
:45:08
Oh, that wasn't no war.
Just a bunch of missile shootin'.
:45:11
My ex-wife
shot me in the back.
:45:13
Didn't even shoot 'em by hand.
They used computers.
:45:15
One of'em was broadcasted
on the news from up and under a bed.
:45:18
They say a lot of'em over there
got poisoned with somethin'.
:45:20
I guess nobody told 'em a bed
wouldn't stop a nuclear rocket.
:45:24
- No.
- Yeah.
:45:27
Shot you just like that?
:45:29
Drunk a half a bottle of Uncle Somethin'
or another's bourbon, then shot me.
:45:31
I ain't heard
from her since.
:45:33
Huh.
:45:36
That middle boy of mine's
a crack shot with a rifle.
:45:40
All right,
will the defendant please rise?
:45:44
Mr. Montgomery,
do you understand...
:45:47
the nature of the charges
against you, sir?
:45:50
[Hazel] To tell you the truth, Judge,
I don't understand any of his mess.
:45:52
- Say "Your Honor."
- Huh?
:45:54
Not "Judge."
"Your Honor."
:45:57
Well, Your Honor, I didn't do
anything to get myself here...
:46:00
that you wouldn't have done
or anybody else...
:46:01
who had to go through
what I went through with
that little shit right there.
:46:03
Oh, my God!
You head-knockin'...
:46:06
- redneck son of a bitch.!
- All-All... All right! [Pounding Gavel]
:46:07
You are crazy as a loon!
And, Judge, let me tell you somethin'!
:46:10
- You don't know the devil
that this man turns into!
- All right!
:46:13
Your Honor!
That's what they told me to say.
:46:16
All right, I have order, both of ya,
right now.! Do you understand?
:46:19
- We understand the charges, Your Honor.
- No, we don't.
:46:22
- Yes, we do.
- You're damn right you do!
:46:24
- You hit me in the head with
a doorstop made of solid iron!
- Kiss my ass!
:46:27
What you doin' here?
:46:29
Oh, my baby brother is being arraigned
on some serious charges.
:46:34
He didn't do it, though.
There's somethin' off somewhere.
He's a good boy.
:46:37
Married an Englishwoman.
:46:40
I didn't even know
she was mad at me.
:46:41
She ain't spoke two words to me
since Teddy turned three...
:46:44
six months ago
or somethin'.
:46:46
Well, see there?
Children. That's somethin'.
:46:49
J.C. Is screwin' everything
that ain't nailed down,
and ain't come up with no babies.
:46:53
I think he uses
them darn "condrums."
:46:56
And Alvin, he's got his nose
in a dag-burned book all the time.
:46:59
And Claude, for all his car-hoodin'
and God knows what all
with that little girl...