Death to Smoochy

Hell of a world.
What do you want?
Can you spare 60 seconds
for a smiley old face from your past?

Hello, kitten.
Here's the good news.
You and Frank are in a bind.
I'd be happy to end my sabbatical
and come back.

I could start Monday. No meat.
When did you become a vegetarian?

Call costumes and props and tell them
that the old R-man is back.

Ready to start whistling tunes
for the kids.

Whose toes you gotta suck
to get a drink?

You got three seconds
to pry your ass off my couch.

You need someone for that slot
and I'm here to reclaim what's mine.

In case you forgot, you're a criminal
and a scumbag.

Have you forgotten what we once had?
That was a long time ago.
I was young and stupid.

And limber. Why we broke up,
I'll never know.

You were an asshole,
and I didn't love you.

We could have worked through that.
Goddamn it, Nora!
The public is clamoring for me.

I'm a patriot compared to Mopes.
He's a Nazi and gay.

He was checking me out in the car.
-What's that mean?

He was checking you out in what car?
No, I'm just saying
it's a vibe, you know?

Kind of a homosexual Nazi vibe.
Something that emanates from the TV.

What's with the costume?
Big erect horn.

You're talking fast.
What do you mean? I'm not.
I still love you, Nora.

Were you at that rally?