:35:00
You know that phrase ''behind every
great man there's a great woman''?
:35:04
l'm afraid that l'll never be a great
man cause l can't get my great woman.
:35:08
l prefer the corollary.
:35:10
Behind every great woman
there's a great man.
:35:13
Look, l'm serious here, man.
l mean is it impossible...
:35:16
to become a great man
without a great woman?
:35:19
What is this? We don't stock these!
:35:21
Those are for me!
:35:23
''0lder & Bolder Magazine''?
''Grannies & Fannies lllustrated''?
:35:27
''Wide Load Review''?
:35:29
- ''Stomp Monthly''?
- Shut up!
:35:33
l'm tired of you acting like l'm from
the bottom of the Bible belt.
:35:36
- At least l have faced the awful truth.
- What awful truth?
:35:40
l am gross.
:35:43
All men are. And every day
we face the endless nightmare that...
:35:49
love handle by love handle,
nose hair by nose hair...
:35:52
we're becoming more grotesque
versions of the cute boys we were.
:35:57
lt is impossible to stop
the hordes of time...
:36:00
from destroying our muscle tone
and leaving us with these...
:36:04
defeated saggy male boobies!
:36:11
But l am at peace. l have come to grips
with the whore that has become me.
:36:18
So how does ''Moist & Midget''
magazine improve your image?
:36:22
Because men are gross
on the inside too.
:36:25
That 's why these magazines sell.
:36:27
A woman's pussy mount
is aslippery slope.
:36:29
Sex is a narcotic and you, my friend,
are addicted just like me.
:36:34
0nly you're at the smoking
marijuanastage...
:36:37
...l'm at the heroin stage.
- More like the speed balling stage.
:36:41
Good one. Now, my point is...
:36:43
an addict needs a bigger and bigger fix
each time just to get the same high!
:36:48
That 's why they move on
to the hard stuff.
:36:50
Now sex is the same way.
:36:52
You need something kinkier and kinkier
to get the same thrill in your drill!
:36:56
0kay, so hence
''America's Harriest'' magazine?
:36:59
No, l don't know if ''America's
Harriest'' is gonna get me donkey dick.