1:25:00
Are we rolling? We're rolling?
Well, why didn't you tell me?
1:25:03
I don't know if we're rolling.
1:25:06
- We're rolling.
- Thank you very much.
1:25:09
My fellow Americans,
I'm coming to you tonight...
1:25:13
...because I am contemplating
ending my life.
1:25:17
After years as being head of Paramount
Studios and then an independent producer...
1:25:21
...and suffering a terrible disaster
with my first independent venture...
1:25:30
... Marathon in Drag... Something. I can't
remember. It was 20 years ago.
1:25:34
I would like to ask you, anyone,
all over the country...
1:25:37
If you have a script, and it's
a love story, I'll do it.
1:25:40
I don't care if it's in drag
or a monkey fucking an elephant.
1:25:44
If it's a good script, I'll do it.
And that's a promise. You send it to me.
1:25:48
And I wanna say that I would talk more
to you, but I don't have the strength to talk.
1:25:52
I'm in the hospital now. There's a Sony tape
recorder here, and this is the maternity ward.
1:25:57
They tell me I just had a baby.
I never knew I had a vagina.
1:26:01
It came as a shock to me...
1:26:04
...but I just talked to my wife,
Sue Mengers, and she says, well...
1:26:08
...didn't I know she had a cock all the time?
I never knew it. I give you my word.
1:26:13
She came in yesterday
and showed it to me.
1:26:15
It was a terrific cock.
One of the biggest I ever saw.
1:26:18
Wait a minute. Is that phone for me?
Well, I'm recording. I can't talk.
1:26:22
Yeah, who's this? I can't talk.
I'm on television. Wait, stop rolling.
1:26:28
Yeah, what is it?
Who? Joyce Haber?
1:26:31
I remember her. That was 20 years ago.
She died. I can't come to the funeral.
1:26:36
Why am I going to her funeral?
I'm sorry. I'm too busy.
1:26:39
Send her something.
1:26:43
I don't know. Whatever she eats.
Candy, whatever.
1:26:46
Oh, she's dead now. Well, if she's dead,
then what do you want me to see her for?
1:26:52
Just get it done immediately.
I gotta go. Thanks.
1:26:55
What? I'm sorry, I gotta talk...
My wife. Yes, Sue.