:01:24
Hey, can I get another drink
down here?
:01:27
I've been to prison once.
:01:29
I've been married twice.
:01:32
I was once drafted by
Lyndon Johnson and had to live
:01:34
in shit-ass Mexico for two
and a half years for no reason.
:01:38
I've had my eye socket
punched in, a kidney taken out,
:01:42
and I got a bone chip in my
ankle that's never gonna heal.
:01:46
I've seen some pretty shitty
situations in my life.
:01:50
But nothing has ever sucked
more ass than this.
:01:54
If I'd known I was gonna have to
put up with screaming brats
:01:57
pissing on my lap for 30 days
out of the year,
:01:59
I would have killed myself
a long time ago.
:02:05
Come to think of it,
I still might.
:02:10
Where I come from,
we didn't celebrate Christmas.
:02:12
Not because we were Jewish,
but because my dad
:02:15
was a worthless-coward fucking
asshole whose idea of a present
:02:18
was a daily punch
to the back of the head.
:02:20
He did teach me
how to crack a safe, though.
:02:24
My dad never did shit with his
life, so he took it out on me.
:02:28
You could say I'm no different.
I'd have to say you were right.
:02:31
But at this point,
it's too late to start over.
:02:34
Funny how things work out.
:02:36
It's fucking hilarious.
:02:59
There's Santa Claus.
Look there.