1:32:23
"Dear kid...
1:32:25
I hope that you got my present
1:32:27
and that there wasn't
too much blood on it,
1:32:29
although there was blood
on the present you gave me,
1:32:32
which didn't keep me
from enjoying it.
1:32:34
So maybe the blood doesn't
matter so much, I guess. "
1:32:39
"Anyway, just in case
they took it as evidence,
1:32:42
I'm also sending you a T-shirt.
1:32:44
I hope it's the right size. "
1:32:48
"I'm healing up good,
1:32:49
and they tell me
that I will soon be 100%,
1:32:52
even with 8 bullets
dug out of me,
1:32:54
because they didn't hit
any vital organs,
1:32:56
just my liver,
which is fucked anyway.
1:32:59
Ha ha ha.
1:33:00
Thank you for giving
that letter to the cops.
1:33:03
I forgot I asked you to do it,
but it's a good thing you did
1:33:06
or Santa's little helper
would've plugged his ass.
1:33:08
Now the cops know I wrote it,
1:33:09
which is gonna keep my ass
out of jail.
1:33:11
That, plus everyone agreeing
1:33:13
that the Phoenix police
shooting an unarmed Santa
1:33:16
was even more fucked up
than Rodney King. "
1:33:19
"The cops are treating me
like fucking royalty now,
1:33:22
which is new in my experience.
1:33:23
They're gonna make me
a sensitivity counselor
1:33:25
so that tragedies like this
1:33:27
will never again embarrass
the whole fucking department.
1:33:30
I told the cops you had no one
to take the fuck care of you,
1:33:33
so they set it up
with Mrs. Santa's sister
1:33:35
watching you
till your dad gets back
1:33:37
in one year and three months.
1:33:38
They made her a guardian
pro tem or some such shit.
1:33:41
Anyway, she seems to like you
and your house and Jacuzzi.
1:33:44
I sent her some money,
1:33:46
so if you play
your cards right,
1:33:47
you can probably get her
to buy you something.
1:33:50
As for my little helper,
I'm sorry to have to tell you
1:33:53
that him and his
prune-faced, mail-order wife
1:33:55
are gonna be exploring
mountains with your dad.
1:33:57
I hope your dad doesn't go
sucking shit from them