1:15:00
That's all relationships are, they ain't that
complicated. It's fucking and eating.
1:15:05
If you don't like fucking somebody
1:15:07
and you don't like eating with them,
y'all don't need to be together.
1:15:12
And the longer you're with somebody,
it's more eating and less fucking.
1:15:17
You don't remember the last time you fucked
1:15:20
but you know you had rice and beans
on Wednesday.
1:15:26
You're never gonna get a soul mate,
the perfect person.
1:15:30
You're never gonna meet somebody that loves
Seinfeld and the Wu Tang Clan.
1:15:36
It ain't happening.
1:15:37
Even if you meet the perfect person,
it ain't gonna be the perfect time.
1:15:42
You're married, they're single.
1:15:45
That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian.
1:15:49
You're Mexican, they're a raccoon.
1:15:52
You're a black woman, he's a black man.
1:16:04
There's always a obstacle in the way.
1:16:08
You're never gonna meet the perfect person,
it's never gonna happen, OK?
1:16:13
Every now and then,
God likes to play practical jokes on people.
1:16:18
God will send you on a double date
with the perfect couple.
1:16:22
You ever been out with the perfect couple?
1:16:25
Ever made the mistake of going on a double
date with a couple that's actually in love?
1:16:30
You in the middle of your bullshit relationship.
1:16:34
And you sit down
with two people that's in love.
1:16:37
You can't even eat your food cos you can't
believe what the fuck you are witnessing.
1:16:44
You got a fork in your hand,
you're like, "Oh, shit.
1:16:48
"He's really listening to what she's got to say.
1:16:53
"They really like being around each other.
1:16:55
"Man, we can't hang with them no more.
They gonna break us up!"