1:29:00
You gotta marry the two-pussy girl.
1:29:03
But it ain't just men that lose out on marriage.
Women, you lose out too.
1:29:07
Women, once you get married,
he will never lick your pussy again.
1:29:11
Pussy, vagina, whatever the fuck
you wanna call it. He will never lick it again.
1:29:16
I see some married women with tears
in they eyes right now.
1:29:20
He will never lick your pussy again.
1:29:24
Forever ever. "Forever ever?" Forever ever.
1:29:29
He will never lick your pussy again.
1:29:34
That's right. Don't get me wrong,
1:29:36
he'll give it one coat.
1:29:39
But he ain't gonna put the finish on it
like he used to.
1:29:43
He used to put a spit-shine on your pussy.
1:29:46
You had to put on shades
just to look at your pussy.
1:29:52
Put a little sticker next to your pussy -
1:29:54
"objects in pussy may appear
closer than they actually are."
1:30:01
Nobody gets you ready for this shit.
1:30:04
That's right, fellas, once you get married,
no more blow jobs.
1:30:07
If you like blow jobs, marriage ain't for you.
1:30:11
I haven't had a blow job in seven years.
1:30:14
I've had fellatio.
1:30:20
When you're single,
you get the best blow jobs in the world,
1:30:23
8, 12, 15 minutes straight
1:30:26
like the girl's auditioning on your dick,
like she's giving your dick a second opinion,
1:30:31
like she's going for her scuba licence.
1:30:35
You get married, every married man I know
gets the same lazy-ass blow job.
1:30:41
It's like three licks.
1:30:44
"Is it hard? Put it in. I gotta fold these clothes."
1:30:53
What kind of lazy-ass blow job is this shit?
1:30:57
If we was at a restaurant I would send it back.