:33:00
Let me tell you something
about Janis lan.
:33:02
We were best friends
in middle school.
:33:04
I know, right?
:33:05
It's so embarrassing.
I don't even... Whatever.
:33:08
So then in eighth grade, I started
going out with my first boyfriend,
:33:11
Kyle, who was totally gorgeous,
but then he moved to Indiana.
:33:14
And Janis was, like,
weirdly jealous of him.
:33:17
Like, if I would blow her off
to hang out with Kyle,
:33:19
she'd be like,
"Why didn't you call me back?"
:33:21
And I'd be like, "Why are you
so obsessed with me?"
:33:25
So then, for my birthday party,
which was an all-girls pool party,
:33:27
I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you,
because I think you're a lesbian."
:33:32
I mean, I couldn't
have a lesbian at my party.
:33:34
There are gonna be girls there
in their bathing suits.
:33:36
I mean, right?
She was a lesbian.
:33:38
So then her mom called my mom
and started yelling at her.
:33:41
It was so retarded.
:33:42
And then she dropped out of school
because no one would talk to her.
:33:45
When she came back
in the fall for high school,
:33:47
all of her hair was cut off
and she was totally weird,
:33:50
and now I guess she's on crack.
:33:53
Oh, my God!
I love your skirt.
:33:55
Where did you get it?
:33:57
It was my mom's in the '80s.
:33:59
Vintage. So adorable.
:34:01
Thanks.
:34:03
That is the ugliest F-ing skirt
I've ever seen.
:34:07
Oh, my God, I love your bracelet.
Where did you get it?
:34:13
So are you gonna send
any candy canes?
:34:15
No. I don't send them,
I just get them.
:34:18
So you better send me one, byotch.
:34:20
Love you.
:34:22
I was definitely sending her one.
:34:25
I was gonna use three candy canes
to crack Gretchen Wieners.
:34:27
Three, please.
:34:29
"Why, Man, he doth bestride
the narrow world like a colossus"
:34:33
might translate into
:34:35
"Why is he so huge
and obnoxious?"
:34:40
- Candy cane-grams!
- OK, hurry up.
:34:43
Taylor Zimmerman?
Two for you.
:34:46
Glenn Cocco?
:34:48
Four for you, Glenn Cocco.
You go, Glenn Cocco.
:34:52
And Cady Heron.
:34:54
Do we have a Cady Heron here?
:34:55
- It's Cady.
- Oh, Cady, here you go.
:34:58
One for you. And none
for Gretchen Wieners. Bye.