:33:00
It was this one performance...
:33:01
when I got into this whole
clown dancing thing.
:33:03
I was just beginning.
I seen him perform...
:33:06
and I was already labeled
as the tightest clown dancer.
:33:09
I said to myself,
"I want him to be under me.
:33:11
"I wanted to take him under
my wing so I can train him."
:33:14
'Cause I think he got potential
to be just as tight as I am...
:33:16
because I see some
of my characteristics in him.
:33:19
I knew about his background
before I knew him...
:33:21
'cause people would tell me,
"This dude has problems.
:33:24
"He doesn't go to school.
He has no clothes.
:33:26
"His brother stays
in and out of jail."
:33:28
I used to be like that.
:33:29
My moms, she... she in jail.
:33:32
She in jail 'cause...
she don't wanna live right.
:33:35
She been smoking dope
for as long as I know...
:33:39
since I was a baby,
since before I was born.
:33:43
He's had a lot of obstacles.
:33:44
His mom, um,
had a drug problem...
:33:47
and he's had to face a lot of
challenges as a young person...
:33:52
more so
than the average young person...
:33:54
who has the advantage
a having a mom who was sober...
:33:57
or a dad who was sober.
:33:58
He calls me mom, you know...
:34:00
but not just his mom,
his play mom...
:34:02
but I'm proud to be his pastor.
:34:05
My dad, he was my idol...
:34:07
'cause I never saw
a man do so much...
:34:10
and make so much
of the day like he did.
:34:13
I saw him
as a father figure...
:34:15
and a role model
at the same time.
:34:17
He was my friend, also.
:34:20
I see, like, lights
flashing in the back.
:34:23
Then my mom comes,
and she's telling me...
:34:25
she's like, "I'm gonna tell you
your dad committed suicide."
:34:27
You know...
:34:28
shot hisself in the head
in the backyard.
:34:31
You know, came home,
we found him like this.
:34:34
He was the only child
that kept it...
:34:37
kind of quietly inside of him.
:34:39
I felt as if...
:34:41
I was his only child
that didn't cry...
:34:44
you know, at the funeral
like everybody else did.
:34:47
I didn't, you know,
rant and rave.
:34:49
So for a long time,
I thought, you know,
:34:51
does that mean
I loved him any less?
:34:53
And I realized
it doesn't mean that.
:34:55
It's just that everybody
mourns in a different way.
:34:58
I've been in a lot
of family situations.