1:00:00
We can tell everybody
that Carmen's Puerto Rican.
1:00:03
And it never occurred to you
she might be built differently.
1:00:06
Or that, unlike you and your daughter,
she has an ass...
1:00:09
...that the tailor didn't have
enough bolts of material to cover.
1:00:13
Or better yet, just tell everyone
there is no Carmen.
1:00:16
Carmen doesn't exist.
1:00:20
Carmen, honey. Carmen!
1:00:39
One, two, three!
1:00:42
Okay, ladies,
time to call out the cavalry.
1:00:44
We've secured a spot in the playoffs,
we're gonna shake it up a little.
1:00:47
Wendy and Karen to midfield,
Bridget to sweeper.
1:00:50
-What?
-You heard me.
1:00:51
l don't wanna see you
go past midfield, got that?
1:00:57
Dear Lena, when I got your letter
I screamed for about 1 0 minutes.
1:01:01
So you found a hottie after all, huh?
1:01:04
Well, me too. His name is Eric.
1:01:06
Did I mention he's one of the coaches
and 1 00 percent off-limits?
1:01:11
But I don't care.
1:01:12
I've never wanted anything
this much in my entire life.
1:01:16
I'm still waiting for Carma-poochie-ay
to send me the pants.
1:01:18
And in the meantime, I'm throwing
all my pent-up energy into soccer...
1:01:22
...although that only seems
to get me into more trouble.
1:01:25
What can I say? I'm obsessed.
1:01:27
And as we all know, obsessed girls cannot
be responsible for our actions, can we?
1:01:37
Pass, Vreeland!