Christmas in Connecticut

Yes, the morale, I know.
I had a silk hat once in Budapest.
A silk hat. It made me feel so fine.
And then I insulted the maitre d'hôtel
and got fired with a silk hat.

Come on, eat.
Mink outside, sardines inside,
that's no good too.

Oh, this is marvelous.
You know, Felix, some time
I'm gonna take time out...

...and learn to cook like you do.
- No, no, no, no.

- No?
- No, no, darling.

Then you would find out
it is not the way you write now.

All easy and fun and...
- Don't cook.
- All right.

I have to go, darling. Goodbye.
Thanks a million.
- Oh, hello, Felix.
- Hello. Goodbye. Merry Christmas.

Don't mention it.
- Hello, Dud.
- Hello, Liz. We're in a jam.

Something terrible is about to happen.
- What?
- Yardley wants to see you right away...

:15:46 his home on Long Island.
Maybe he wants to give me a raise
for Christmas. I've helped circulation.

- No. It's not a raise.
- You look frazzled. You want a drink?

No. No, thanks. Now, it's really nothing
to be nervous about. Not a thing.

Don't be silly.
I'm not nervous. I feel fine.

Well, you won't in a minute.
Now get this. Some fool nurse
at a Naval hospital...

...wrote to Yardley asking him to invite a
wounded sailor to your farm for Christmas.

My farm?
Oh, oh, yes, my farm.
Oh, my farm.
And he wants to see you
to arrange it.

Are you crazy?
Where am I going to get a farm?

- I haven't even got a window box.
- We'll have to stall him off.

You know what a stickler he is
for the truth.

If he ever finds out we've been making
all this up, he'll fire the both of us.

Well, it's been nice knowing you.
It's really not as bad as it sounds, Liz.
All you have to do is to go out there and tell
him that your child has whooping cough.

Say that you couldn't possibly
entertain anyone for Christmas.

- Your husband wouldn't like it.
- Oh, yes. Yes, my husband.

Of course, simplest thing in the world.
You go out and tell him.
You're a much better liar than I am.

Oh, no, Liz. He wants to see you.
And when Yardley wants something,
he gets it or else.