Irma la Douce

1:02:00

- That is, could we?
- Why not?

1:02:27

- What did you say your name was?
- Irma. They call me Irma la Douce.

1:02:31

Well, if you don't mind, Miss la Douce,
I'd rather not introduce myself.

1:02:36

- I don't mind.
- In my situation a man must be discreet.

1:02:38

- You may call me... Lord X.
- Lord X. Sure.

1:02:43

No, no, no, no, no, my dear,
that shan't be necessary.

1:02:46

What's the matter?

1:02:49

All I really want is
a bit of companionship...

1:02:52

...a shoulder to cry on,
a smile to lean against.

1:03:00

Say, what does that
X stand for, eccentric?

1:03:04

Let me ask you something, my dear.
Do you find me repulsive?

1:03:10

No, not at all. You're rather nice-looking,
for a lord your age.

1:03:14

Thank you. You see,
my wife, Lady X, she does.

1:03:17

- Does what?
- Finds me repulsive.

1:03:19

Ignores me completely. Spends
all of her time cultivating the garden.

1:03:23

And what's worse...
cultivating the gardener.

1:03:27

- The gardener?
- The other day I was watching them...

1:03:30

...from the turret of the castle.

1:03:32

They were in the flower bed together...

1:03:35

...and he was pruning her begonias.
- They oughta be ashamed.

1:03:40

Yes, and it was such a jolly marriage,
those first few years.

1:03:44

We'd sit in front of the fire and play
double solitaire and Chinese chequers.

1:03:51

Solitaire? I play solitaire.

1:03:53

Capital! Could we?

1:03:55

That is, uh, would you? I mean, shall we?

1:03:59

I don't care, as long as
you're paying for my time.