1:04:00
''But you lack motherliness.''
1:04:04
You laughed
because you thought it sounded silly.
1:04:08
But after a while you noticed
you thought about what he'd said.
1:04:13
You became more and more worried.
You let your husband impregnate you.
1:04:19
You wanted to be a mother.
1:04:22
When you realized it was definite,
you became frightened.
1:04:26
Frightened of responsibility, of being
tied down, of leaving the theatre.
1:04:32
Frightened of pain, of dying,
frightened of your body swelling up.
1:04:38
But you played the role. The role
of a happy, young, expectant mother.
1:04:45
Everyone said, ''lsn't she beautiful?
She's never been so beautiful.''
1:04:53
Meanwhile you tried to abort the foetus
several times.
1:04:57
But you failed.
1:05:00
When you saw it was irreversible,
you started to hate the baby.
1:05:04
And you wished it would be stillborn.
1:05:10
You wished the baby would be dead.
1:05:15
You wished for a dead baby.
1:05:22
lt was a difficult and long delivery.
1:05:25
You were in agony for days. Finally
the baby was delivered with forceps.
1:05:31
You looked with disgust and terror
at your squealing baby and whispered:
1:05:36
''Can't you die soon? Can't you die?''
1:05:41
But he survived.
1:05:44
The boy screamed day and night.
1:05:49
And you hated him. You were scared,
you had a bad conscience.
1:05:58
Finally the boy was taken care of
by relatives and a nanny.