1:08:07
You wanted to be a mother.
1:08:11
When you realized it was definite,
you became frightened.
1:08:15
Frightened of responsibility, of being
tied down, of leaving the theatre.
1:08:22
Frightened of pain, of dying,
frightened of your body swelling up.
1:08:30
But you played the role. The role
of a happy, young, expectant mother.
1:08:37
Everyone said, ''lsn't she beautiful?
She's never been so beautiful.''
1:08:42
Meanwhile you tried to abort the foetus
several times.
1:08:46
But you failed.
1:08:50
When you saw it was irreversible...
1:08:54
...you started to hate the baby.
1:08:58
And you wished it would be stillborn.
1:09:04
You wished the baby would be dead.
1:09:11
You wished for a dead baby.
1:09:17
The delivery was difficult and long.
1:09:21
You were in agony for days. Finally
the baby was delivered with forceps.
1:09:27
You looked with disgust and terror
at your squealing baby and whispered:
1:09:32
''Can't you die soon? Can't you die?''
1:09:36
The boy screamed day and night.
And you hated him.
1:09:42
You were scared,
you had a bad conscience.
1:09:47
Finally the boy was taken care of
by relatives and a nanny.
1:09:51
You could get up from your sickbed
and return to the theatre.
1:09:57
But the suffering wasn't over.