A Guide for the Married Man
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:38:01
- Not me.
- You wouldn't?

:38:03
No. As long as I didn't know,
I wouldn't care.

:38:06
- What would you do if you did know?
- Pretend I didn't.

:38:09
No. You're wrong, Ed. You take 'em
to the most popular place in town.

:38:13
Where you're pretty sure to get seen
by some bigmouth...

:38:15
who knows you and your wife.
:38:17
Maybe, but even if it does get back to your wife,
you can always counter with...

:38:21
"Would you have taken her to a place
where you were sure to be seen...

:38:24
- if it weren't absolutely innocent?"
- Yes, but-

:38:27
Yes, and your way-with the hideaway-
you get seen...

:38:29
and it's prima facie evidence against you.
:38:32
Granted, but my way fixes it...
:38:34
so that it can't possibly get back
to your wife.

:38:37
Why? What guarantee have you got...
:38:39
that you won't get seen
in your crummy little hideaway?

:38:41
None. Except that, if you are seen
by someone in the hideaway...

:38:44
it's obviously someone else who's hiding away,
and who's he to talk?

:38:49
Because then he's got to explain
what he was doing there himself.

:38:56
And at 78, you'd think
they'd be finished with that sort of thing.

:38:59
As long as there's breath in their bodies...
:39:01
they're never finished
with that sort of thing.

:39:03
...basically not monogamous.
:39:05
Yeah. I suppose that's
as good a reason as any.

:39:08
...but when a man is 40,
he can still get a 20-year-old tootsie.

:39:11
...this 20-year-old chick- - A woman
would have to be in love first, but men-

:39:16
Yeah, but, fellas,
is the whole thing worth it-

:39:18
risking your marriage,
your home, your family?

:39:20
That's exactly what I say.
It's not worth it.

:39:23
Sometimes I wish I felt that way...
:39:25
and then I see a perky little thing,
and I get- Ooh.

:39:31
- But why? Why do they do it?
- Oh, lots of reasons.

:39:36
Because he thinks
he's God's gift to women.

:39:42
Because his wife didn't understand him.
:39:44
The lucky girl.
:39:49
Because he was a louse.
:39:52
Isn't it funny how we happen
to leave the house...

:39:55
at the same time every morning?
:39:58
Maybe it's fate, doll.

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