A Guide for the Married Man
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:37:01
If she knew, she'd thank you.
:37:13
Don't worry, girls. The fellas promise
to let their wives drive home.

:37:16
But who's going to drive the wives home?
:37:19
Two drinks, and Freddie thinks
he's Batman.

:37:21
Luckily, we don't have far to go.
:37:23
Who's the water and scotch?
Who's the scotch and water?

:37:25
...with his secretary for years.
:37:28
Secretary. Huh! My three-year-old son
can type better than her.

:37:31
- But he's not built like her.
- How can a woman be so blind?

:37:34
And any guy who doesn't let her know
he's married right off the bat...

:37:37
is just looking for trouble.
:37:39
I don't know, Ed.
You lose an awful lot of them that way.

:37:42
Better to lose one or two
than face something like this.

:37:45
Oscar J. Schwartzcoff-
2798 Coldhaven Road-

:37:48
is a dirty, double-crossing fink!
:37:50
Oscar J. Schwartzcoff-
2798 Coldhaven Road-

:37:54
is a dirty, double-crossing fink!
:37:56
...which has been known to happen.
:37:58
I'd kill mine if I even thought
he was doing it.

:38:01
- Not me.
- You wouldn't?

:38:03
No. As long as I didn't know,
I wouldn't care.

:38:06
- What would you do if you did know?
- Pretend I didn't.

:38:09
No. You're wrong, Ed. You take 'em
to the most popular place in town.

:38:13
Where you're pretty sure to get seen
by some bigmouth...

:38:15
who knows you and your wife.
:38:17
Maybe, but even if it does get back to your wife,
you can always counter with...

:38:21
"Would you have taken her to a place
where you were sure to be seen...

:38:24
- if it weren't absolutely innocent?"
- Yes, but-

:38:27
Yes, and your way-with the hideaway-
you get seen...

:38:29
and it's prima facie evidence against you.
:38:32
Granted, but my way fixes it...
:38:34
so that it can't possibly get back
to your wife.

:38:37
Why? What guarantee have you got...
:38:39
that you won't get seen
in your crummy little hideaway?

:38:41
None. Except that, if you are seen
by someone in the hideaway...

:38:44
it's obviously someone else who's hiding away,
and who's he to talk?

:38:49
Because then he's got to explain
what he was doing there himself.

:38:56
And at 78, you'd think
they'd be finished with that sort of thing.

:38:59
As long as there's breath in their bodies...

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