:13:01
We always put a tappit-hen of
usquebaugh outside the castle door.
:13:05
- Tappit-hen?
- A quart o' whisky.
:13:08
- Is he a real p-piper?
- We dinna ken.
:13:10
But it's been the same one for 600 years.
:13:15
- Naught else remains?
- Nothing to s-speak of, I'm afraid.
:13:19
It was found in a tree,
100 yards from where he stood.
:13:23
Took off, as it were, and flew like a b-bird.
:13:27
But whether it is an article of apparel
:13:30
or an anatomical f-feature,
that is the question.
:13:34
Should it be given Christian burial?
Just how p-personal is a toupee?
:13:39
It can only be regarded as a "hairloom".
:13:43
Eliza, put it wi'
all the other relics of McTarry glory.
:13:48
We all ken that
our beloved McTarry of the Glen
:13:51
was a different man in Whitehall.
:13:54
But McTarry women never ask questions.
:13:59
According to clan tradition,
when the laird dies
:14:03
a black he-goat must be ta'en alive
off Ben Tarry by six barefoot virgins.
:14:09
I myself slaughter it.
:14:11
The daughters wrest the stomach out,
and stuff it wi' entrails.
:14:16
Bright entrails.
:14:18
Sear it, boil it, and serve it up.
:14:21
And eat it?
:14:23
- Warm reekin'.
- Sounds d-delicious.
:14:28
We start feastin' at midnight,
washin' the haggis down wi' usquebaugh.
:14:32
One gies strength to the limbs,
the other fire to the blood for dancin'.
:14:37
- Dancing?
- The McTarry funeral fling.
:14:41
"Argar, argar garar goru argar" it goes.
:14:46
- Most m-moving.
- Ah, we dance till we fall in our tracks.
:14:49
And after an hour's repose,
the piper wakes us
:14:53
to the tune o' "Awa' to the Grouse"
:14:55
and awa' we go
to the memorial grouse shoot.
:14:58
B-But surely the grouse
are not in season?