Passion, En

It's dreary. Hold on, I put on the light.
Elis is not jealous or anything. Or maybe he is.
He's going to Milano. It's a very honourable commission, even though he jokes about it.
He's successfull.
For all eternity. Amen.
It's so hard when you one day realize that you're useless, that no one needs you-
-even though you're ready to give of yourself.
It's my own fault I guess. But it's paralyzing me.
I want to do so many things. I make up so many plans.
But then Elis says; "Don't do it like this. Don't do it like that. Do it this way."-
-and everything come to nothing.
No! I'm not going to blame it on Elis.
Everything goes wrong for me. And Elis.. No I won't.. I won't blame Elis.