1:02:03
Then you got the idea
my teeth were crooked
1:02:05
so I got braces.
I looked grotesque.
1:02:09
You said I couldn't go
around in pants any longer
1:02:12
so you had dresses made
without asking what I thought.
1:02:17
I didn't dare say no because
I didn't want to upset you.
1:02:23
You brought along books for me
1:02:27
which I didn't understand.
I read and read, then you
1:02:30
and I had to discuss it. You'd hold
forth and my mind was a blank.
1:02:34
I was scared you'd expose
1:02:38
my stupidity.
1:02:41
But one thing I did
Understand: not a shred
1:02:45
of the real me could be
loved or accepted.
1:02:50
You were obsessed and I grew more
and more afraid and annihilated.
1:02:54
I said what you wanted me
to say and made your gestures.
1:02:59
I didn't dare to be myself
even when I was alone
1:03:02
because I hated
what was my own.
1:03:08
It was horrible, Mama!
I still shake all over
1:03:14
when I think of those years.
It was horrible.
1:03:22
I didn't realize I hated you as I
was quite sure we loved each other.
1:03:28
I couldn't hate you, so my hatred
turned into an insane fear.
1:03:33
I had nightmares.
1:03:36
I bit my nails.
1:03:40
I pulled out tufts of hair.
1:03:43
I tried to scream but could
only make stifled grunts.
1:03:47
That frightened me even more
1:03:49
as I thought I was
going out of my mind.