1:01:01
You said things had
never been so good.
1:01:07
I said it to please you.
1:01:15
That just goes to show.
What did I do wrong?
1:01:21
I was fourteen and you directed
the whole of your
1:01:25
pent-up energy against me.
1:01:28
You were damn well
going to make up
1:01:31
for your neglect.
1:01:34
I tried to defend myself,
but I didn't' have a chance.
1:01:37
You trotted out your thoughtfulness
and your worried voice.
1:01:42
There wasn't one detail that escaped
your loving energy.
1:01:48
I had a stoop.
You got to work with gymnastics.
1:01:51
We did exercises together.
1:01:55
You thought my hair
was too long,
1:01:59
so you had it cut short.
It was hideous.
1:02:03
Then you got the idea
my teeth were crooked
1:02:05
so I got braces.
I looked grotesque.
1:02:09
You said I couldn't go
around in pants any longer
1:02:12
so you had dresses made
without asking what I thought.
1:02:17
I didn't dare say no because
I didn't want to upset you.
1:02:23
You brought along books for me
1:02:27
which I didn't understand.
I read and read, then you
1:02:30
and I had to discuss it. You'd hold
forth and my mind was a blank.
1:02:34
I was scared you'd expose
1:02:38
my stupidity.
1:02:41
But one thing I did
Understand: not a shred
1:02:45
of the real me could be
loved or accepted.
1:02:50
You were obsessed and I grew more
and more afraid and annihilated.
1:02:54
I said what you wanted me
to say and made your gestures.
1:02:59
I didn't dare to be myself
even when I was alone