:44:03
l didn't know what was going through my
mind. lt all seemed so violent and unreal.
:44:09
And l wandered for a long time
on the Upper West Side.
:44:13
lt must have been hours. My feet hurt and
my head was pounding. l had to sit down.
:44:19
l went into a movie house. l didn't know
what was playing. ljust needed a moment
:44:23
to gather my thoughts and be logical
:44:26
and put the world
back into rational perspective.
:44:29
( playing a tune)
:44:38
And l went upstairs
to the balcony and l sat down.
:44:42
The movie was a film that l'd seen
many times in my life since l was a kid,
:44:47
and l always loved it.
:44:49
And l'm watching these people
up on the screen
:44:52
and l started getting hooked on the film.
:44:55
And l started to feel.; how can you even
think of killing yourself?. lsn't that stupid?
:45:02
Look at all the people on the screen.
:45:04
They're real funny, and
what ifthe worst is true?
:45:08
What ifthere's no God and you
only go around once and that's it?
:45:12
Don't you want to be
part of the experience?
:45:15
What the hell? lt's not all a drag.
:45:18
l'm thinking to myself.;
l should stop ruining my life,
:45:21
searching for answers l'm never gonna
get, andjust enjoy it while it lasts.
:45:27
And after, who knows? Maybe there
is something. Nobody really knows.
:45:31
l know ''maybe'' is a slim reed to hang
your life on, but it's the best we have.
:45:37
Then l started to sit back and
l actually began to enjoy myself.
:45:43
Oh, Freedonia
:45:45
Oh, don't you cry for me
:45:47
Cos l'm coming round the mountain
:45:50
Um...
:45:51
Look, there's something that's been
bothering me for a long time.
:45:56
l just thought l'd tell you what it was
and just sort of clear the deck here.