:41:00
None of your horror stories, okay?
:41:02
I don't want to hear no horror stories.
I'm not up for that.
:41:05
Tell us one about Sergeant Steel
and his battling leathernecks.
:41:09
The one I've been thinking about
is kind of different.
:41:12
It's about this pie-eating contest.
:41:14
The main guy of the story is this fat kid
that nobody likes, named Davie Hogan.
:41:18
Like Charlie Hogan's brother, if he had one.
:41:21
Good, Vern.
:41:24
Go on.
:41:26
Well, this kid, he's our age, but he's fat.
Real fat.
:41:30
He weighs close to 180,
but it's not his fault. It's his glands.
:41:34
My cousin's like that. Sincerely.
:41:37
She weighs over 300 pounds. Supposed
to be a "hyboid" gland or somethin'.
:41:41
I don't know about any "hyboid" gland,
but what a blimp!
:41:44
No shit.
She looks like a Thanksgiving turkey.
:41:47
- And, you know, this one time...
- Shut up, Vern.
:41:50
Right. Go on. It's a swell story.
:41:53
All the kids, instead of calling him Davie,
they called him Lardass. Lardass Hogan.
:41:59
Even his little brother
and sister called him Lardass.
:42:02
At school they put this sticker on his back
that says, "Wide Load".
:42:05
And they rank him out and beat him up
whenever they get a chance.
:42:09
But one day he gets an idea.
:42:12
The greatest revenge idea a kid ever had.
:42:19
Is this thing on? Can you hear me?
:42:22
The next contestant
in the Great Tri-County Pie Eat...
:42:26
... Principal John Wiggins.
:42:36
And our celebrity contestant,
from KLAM in Portland...
:42:41
... The Boss-man himself, Bob Cormier!
:42:48
From the racks and stacks
it's the best on wax...
:42:51
... how about another double, golden oldie,
sound sandwich from KLAM in Portland...
:42:55
...it's...
- Boss!