:26:07
- When did this happen?
- Friday. Helen comes home from work
:26:11
and she says "I don't know
if I wanna be married any more."
:26:14
Like it's the institution. Nothing personal,
just something she's been thinking about.
:26:20
I'm calm. I say "Why don't we take time to
think about it? Don't rush into anything."
:26:25
- Yeah, right.
- Next day she says she's thought about it.
:26:28
She wants a trial separation.
She just wants to try it.
:26:32
But we can still date -
like this is supposed to cushion the blow.
:26:35
I got married so I could stop dating,
so still dating is not a big incentive
:26:39
since the last thing you wanna do
is date your wife, who should love you.
:26:43
Which is what I'm saying to her,
when it occurs to me maybe she doesn't.
:26:47
So I say to her
"Don't you love me any more?"
:26:50
D'you know what she says?
"I don't know if I've ever loved you."
:26:53
That's harsh. You don't
bounce back from that right away.
:26:58
- Thanks, Jess.
- No, I'm a writer. I know dialogue.
:27:01
That's particularly harsh.
:27:02
Then she says someone in her office
is going to South America
:27:06
and she can sublet his apartment.
I can't believe this. And the doorbell rings.
:27:11
"I can sublet his apartment" - the words
still hang in the air like in a balloon...
:27:15
- Like a cartoon.
- Right.
:27:17
So I go to the door and there are moving
men there. Now I start to get suspicious.
:27:22
I say "Helen, when did you call
these movers?" She doesn't say anything.
:27:26
So I ask the movers
"When did this woman book you?"
:27:29
And they're three huge guys. One with
a T-shirt saying "Don't fuck with Mr Zero."
:27:34
So I said "Helen, when did you make this
arrangement?" She says "A week ago."
:27:40
I said "You've known for a week
and you didn't tell me?"
:27:43
And she says
"I didn't wanna ruin your birthday."
:27:49
Mr Zero knew you were getting
a divorce a week before you?
:27:52
- Mr Zero knew.
- I can't believe this!
:27:54
- I haven't told you the bad part yet.
- What's worse than Mr Zero knowing?
:27:59
It's all a lie.