Defending Your Life

If I told you how old this man was,
you wouldn't believe me.

Should I tell them?
We're talking light years.

Light years. He looks good though.
No prostate, but he looks fine.
You're looking at me like stunned sheep.
Come on!

What is this, a white sale?
I'm going to tell you a story.
About a year ago,
this Little Brain comes in here.

I'm talking...
...half a percent of his brain at the most.
He orders a piece of pie,
he forgets what it is.

He looks down, doesn't know what it is.
It's a piece of pie.

I say, "What are you doing?"
He says, "I'm waiting to make a call."

I say, "Does that look like a phone?"
He says, "It is a phone."

The joke is on me.
He picked up the pie and called his mother!

Folks, come on, please.
Stay with me here.

You're on trial, not me.
- Hi. What's your name?
- Arthur.

- Hi, Arthur? Where were you from?
- Denver.

- Lovely city, Denver, Arthur. Did you ski?
- No.

- How'd you die?
- I was in a coma.

I'm sorry. How long were you in a coma?
I really don't know.
Let's play a game.
- Elvis. Living or dead?
- Living.

Long coma, Art.
Long coma.
Have a nice day.
- What's your name?
- Ernie.

Hi. Having a good time in Judgment City?
It's fun. The food's good.
It is. Have you been to the stables?
Like to horseback ride?

Not very much.
There's a nice-looking young man.
Hi. How'd you die?

On stage, like you.
Funny. Maybe you should come up here.
No, thank you.
Of course, he doesn't want to.
This is very hard work, but I love it.

And I love you, Little Brains.
Have you heard any Little Brain jokes?

I know you, right?