:37:04
This is ridiculous. It looks like
the paper has the chicken pox.
:37:08
It would have been easier if you'd told me
to circle things I knew.
:37:11
I'm never gonna be able
to talk to anybody in this town.
:37:14
I brought something along
that may help you.
:37:17
Somebody who's really smart
and looks just like me?
:37:22
You want to be able to talk to people
in this town?
:37:24
In Washington, everybody says
exactly the same things at every party.
:37:29
You just have to know
the right responses.
:37:31
If you learn these eight sentences,
you'll be a hit at every party.
:37:34
- You're kidding me!
- Nope.
:37:36
Those eight sentences cover just about
everything anybody talks about.
:37:40
It's the Washington art
:37:41
of sounding like you know what you're
talking about when you don't know zip.
:37:45
- Go ahead. Read the first.
- OK.
:37:49
"Here's what I'd like to know; who
elected the Washington Post president?"
:37:53
That one applies
about 80 per cent of the time.
:37:56
Number two. "We can't be
the policemen of the world,
:37:59
but until we get another cop on the
block, we have to support our friends."
:38:04
That one comes up a lot.
Number three.
:38:06
"Being a superpower has a price."
:38:09
Use that with number two
and number four. Read number four.
:38:13
"It's still a dangerous world."
:38:14
I'm just gonna say these things
and I'm gonna be a hit?
:38:18
Yeah, but you have to say them
at the right time.
:38:21
Read number five.
:38:23
"That's about as likely
as a Democrat being elected president."
:38:27
That one shows
you have a sense of humour.
:38:29
That was funny?
:38:32
Number six.
:38:34
"It makes you wonder if a par...
parli..."
:38:38
Parliamentary.
:38:39
"...system isn't better."
Yeah, the whole thing makes me wonder!
:38:44
Number seven.
:38:46
"I don't think Abe Lincoln himself
would know what to do about that."
:38:50
You say that one
when you don't know what to say.
:38:52
Oh, good! Then I'll just say that one.
:38:58
Number eight is when you're trapped
and you want to shut someone up.