Quiz Show

Great, huh, big guy ?
- [ Woman ] Hey, the
audience really loves you !
- Herbie, you remember me when !

Herbie !
l remember you when !

- Hi, Ellen.
- Hey, Herbie, what color was she ?

You looked so good
on TV tonight, Herbie !

- You should have gone for 11
on the movies, Herbie.
- You should win $100,000.

Hey, you were really
cookin' tonight, Stempel.

- Of course l watched it.
- You didn't go to the show ?

The genius is home.
The rich genius is home.

- l watched it on television
like everybody else.
- Would you tell him that--

You were great tonight, Herb.
Come on. l wanna dance.
Dance with me.

- Looking for the light
- Would you ask him for me,
please, right now ?

- Of a new love
- Mother wants to know why you
only went for 8 on the movies.

Because my real expertise is
pain-in-the-ass in-laws. Now
would you get off the phone ?

- l'm not gonna start with this.
- Tell him that everybody
is watching that show.

Steve Allen is gettin' a busy signal
because my mother-in-law won't shut up.

- Look, Ma, l got-- l gotta go.
- You're upset, and l don't
want to have to deal with it.

- All right. Good-bye.
- Call me before you go to bed.
That's all l'm sayin'.

What are you doin' ? My father
paid good money for this suit.

- He wore it to his own funeral.
- You make it sound like
it was the suit that killed him.

You wanna know why Enright makes
me wear that suit ? Because
it makes me look like a schmuck.

Yeah, well, stop actin'
like a schmuck then.

You don't get it, do you ? l go out
on the street, and everybody knows me.

Me. Herb Stempel. And they love me for
the same reason they used to hate me.

Because l'm the guy
who knows everything.

You should worship the ground l walk on,
what my family's done for you.

You wanna be worshipped ?
Go to lndia and moo.

Without my family, you'd be
on that show in your underwear.

Things are gonna change
around here, boy.

What does that mean,
everything's gonna change ?

You think l should
get my teeth capped ?

What's gonna change, Herbert ?
Everything's gonna change.
For us.
Hey, what the hell
were you thinking ?

Toby, that box
is the biggest thing...

since Gutenberg
invented the printing press,

and l'm the biggest thing on it.
We don't need your mother
and her money anymore.